okay pat passed out under dana's car
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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