WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Randomize
