paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
