Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
