Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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