i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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