so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
