i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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