I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
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