It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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