the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
