dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
