P.S. I can't hear my feet
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
