I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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