I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
