I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
