Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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