also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
