Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
