paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
