I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
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