barbara walters just said penis...
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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