she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
