After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
it's like iHOP with fire
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
