I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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