I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
