I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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