the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
