my mouth tastes like poor choices
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
