i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
