I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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