allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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