i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
