you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
