I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
foreskin is a definite game changer
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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