id be glad to
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
