i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I can't trust your balls anymore.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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