You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
