You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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