you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
