So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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