Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Ladies don't puke and tell
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
