there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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