I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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