watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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