i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Do vagina's smell?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
