giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
