Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
