Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
