im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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