i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
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