when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
He had one of those small greek statue penises
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
