also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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