i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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