hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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